All posts by Lucy Grove-Jones

Brewing Tea

Three panel comic. First panel: some tea brews on a counter and cartoon me sits down in a chair nearby saying "I will sit down while my tea brews". Second panel: cat jumps onto cartoon me's lap. Third panel: cartoon me is stuck under the cat and a speech bubble comes from the tea saying "Your abandonment has made me cold and bitter."

*********************************

A (frequent) tragedy in three acts.

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

More The Thing

In the first panel a person says "Looks like you're feeling more the thing!" And cartoon-me says "How did you know?" In the next panel cartoon-me has turning into a towering, dripping, multi-headed monster, a la 'the thing'.

*********************************

One time after hardly sleeping for many, many days and nights (ah, the heady days of chronic insomnia plus university assignments and poor time management), I decided on a whim that The Thing (the 80s one) was absolutely, unbeatably amazing. As I was pretty much delirious from exhaustion, I figured it was completely reasonable to force the friends I just happened to be with at the time to watch it. Even though it wasn’t their sort of thing at all. Even though they told me this. Repeatedly. 

I fell asleep a few minutes in, and they sat next to my unconscious body through over and hour and a half of dripping vagina monsters out of politeness.

They’re still my friends. I don’t know why.

(That story doesn’t have anything to do with anything, not even this comic. But it’s true.)

If you love my stories (which are usually better than the above) and comics (which are usually about this good or maybe even a little worse), check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest

A Phrase I Imagine Wrong

A Phrase I imagine wrong: "he threw up his hands" and then a cartoon of someone vomiting up their hands

 

*********************************

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Something Insignificant

Cartoon me standing and looked up saying: "I'm doing pretty well". A close up panel of a butterfly flying near my head, and I say "Oh look! A butterfly that represents something insignificant". A close up panel where the butterfly lands on me and cracks appear on my head. Final panel, I crumble into a heap and the butterfly flies away.

*********************************

I have thought about writing a follow-up to ‘Expecting’ dealing with the aftermath of my third miscarriage, but I haven’t. I’ve tried several times. But it’s proved too emotional, and then I realised that how I’ve been since could be summarized by one comic repeated over and over again. (Which might also feel relevant to other people dealing with ordinary life after different kinds of loss or trauma). So I drew that instead.

(Maybe I will end up writing the whole thing someday. Maybe not.)

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Thunder Lizard

Brontosaurus "Thunder Lizard". A brontosaurus holds out a finger for a T-rex. The T-rex is saying "See, this is why we spend a century saying you don't exist"

 

*********************************

For those who like fart jokes as explicit as possible, I drew another version. And yes, it’s available in my store. Because who wouldn’t want a dinosaur fart on their morning coffee mug?

Brontosaurus "Thunder Lizard" A brontosaurs farts out a thudercloud.

If you love my stories and comics, check out my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Meow

Comic with three panels. First panel: cat sits by it's food bowl and meows at comic me. Second panel: cat meows again and I meow back. Third panel: cat meows LOUDLY IN CAPS and I meow LOUDLY IN CAPS back

3 more panels. First panel: cat meows so LOUDLY IN CAPS that the speech bubble squishes him and I meow SO LOUDLY IN CAPS that the speech bubble squishes me. Second panel: Cat looks at me, silent. I look smug. Third panel: Cat says: "bitch"

*********************************

Are you even a cat owner if you don’t mock your cat’s dramatic feed-me meows?

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

The Apocryphal Tale of the Octopus Liver

Before we begin, let me quickly introduce my dad…

Panel 1: water bubbling. Panel 2: a man wearing a Greek fisherman's hat emerges from the water. Panel 3: He holds up a sea urchin and says "yum!" Panel 4: Child me is standing on the beach. I say "You're ... going to eat that?" my dad (still in the water) says "The row is a delicacy!" Panel 5: he eats the cracked-open sea urchin. Panel 6: I am horrified.

My dad wore a Greek fisherman’s hat everywhere. My dad cooked squid spinach. My dad was notorious for eating unusual things, particularly seafood. He told us which flowers in our garden were technically edible and snacked on them. He fossicked in rock pools and consumed their contents.

We thought it was excellent. As kids, we showed our appreciation through gleeful declarations of how grossed out we were accompanied by general screaming. He retired the fisherman’s hat sometime during my teenaged years, but otherwise remains as is.

This is the tale of the octopus liver. It happened when I was about eleven or twelve. It is an incident of some contention in our household. There have been denials, arguments, blatant lies.

Older modern-day Dad looking cross, saying: "There was no octopus liver"

But this is how I remember it…

It started, logically enough, with an octopus. We caught the eldritch horror in a net while camping. It oozed through the mesh, tearing it wider, and nearly escaped the eskie. It was gross, horrifying, and absolutely amazing.

Panel 1: octopus tentacles burst from an eskie. Dad is trying to put the lid on. Some tentacles disappear off the side of the panel ... Panel 2: tencales following two children screaming "eeeeeeee!" Panel 3: tentacles following child-me screaming "eeeeeeeee!"

I believe it ended up cooked and eaten. That is generally what one does with caught seafood, but I have no firm memory of it.

That is, except for the liver.

Panel 1: older, modern-day dad looking cross saying "I SAID there was no octopus liver!" Panel 2: Older, modern-day dad looking thrilled at his own cleverness, saying "... because octopuses don't have livers! It was a hepatopancreas! An organ that combines the function of both a liver and a pancreas!"

I remember very clearly because it went into the freezer, and I was in a habit of keeping track of questionable freezer content.

My freezer diligence began a little while earlier when dad killed our excess roosters (we were promised one rooster and four chickens, but we got five roosters), put them in the freezer, and talked often and lovingly of cock a vin (a French recipe for cooking roosters—not whatever you were thinking). I would not eat ex-pets, even if they had been shouty arseholes. An anxious child and a fussy eater (by my dad’s standards), I counted frozen roosters every time we were having chicken anything.

And so, after the octopus, whenever I rummaged in the freezer for ice-cream, I double checked the icy little parcel of liver was safely tucked away.

Older, modern-day Dad looking put out and a bit confused that you don't get it. Says: "Hepatopancrease"

And I waited.

Until one day …

Child-me is sitting on my bed reading, another small child (sister) burst in the door shouting "He's eating it!"

It began.

Modern-day Dad looking confused. saying: "Shelfish hepatopancreases are a delicacy. You can cook it in butter and use it as a sauce. It wasn't weird to try it with octopus."

Which, with hindsight, is an almost plausible explanation. Almost plausible, because in reality he didn’t cook it in butter and use it as a sauce, he cooked it in the microwave.

Panel one: octopus liver in microwave. Panel 2: "BANG" from inside microwave. Liver is splattered all over the inside. Panel 3: from inside the splattered microwave looking out--three kids horrified and screaming 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!'

… Without pricking it first. I added the microwave to my list of Things To Be Anxious About In The Kitchen and quietly avoided using it for a very long time.

But that’s not the end.

Panel 1: Dad at table. Liver is in bowl in front of him and he is scooping it with a spoon. Panel 2: three kids watch, concerned. Panel 3: Dad raises spoon and opens mouth

Panel 1: Three kids watching, alarmed. Panel 2: Dad puts spoon and liver into mouth. Panel 3: three kids watching, nauseated.

Panel 1: Dad is chewing and his expression says he regrets everything. Panel 2: three kids screaming "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Panel 3: Dad smiles, revealing teeth covered in octopus ink

The moral of this story is my dad kicks your dad’s butt, always prick your cephalopod hepatopancreases before you microwave them, and definitely don’t forget to remove the ink gland.

*********************************

First up, a big thank you to my dad for being endlessly interesting and an excellent sport! I’m not sure he entirely understands why I always found this episode so funny (or why his insistence that it was a hepatopancreas and not a liver was so adorabley dad-funny that I worked it in), but he still played along when I asked if he would mind if I wrote (the version I remember) down and showed it to the internet. That’s love.

I’m not sure if it’s necessary to say this, but just in case … my dad is a marine biologist and has passed exams on which rock-pool discoveries are edible and which are certifiable jerks who will stab you with venom* that paralyses your autonomic nervous system, potentially shutting down your lungs and suffocating you. So probably don’t follow his lead in picking up and eating random things unless you also have some sort of relevant knowledge/experience and know what’s what.

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

* That’s right, I know the difference between venom and poison. You may swoon now.

Half a Glass

Optimist: smiling glass half full. Pessimist: sad glass half empty. Realist: Half-glass saying "Either way, I'll get drank." Idealist: Glass dreaming of having ice and an umbrella. Anarchist: cat pushing glass off table.

*********************************

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Work-From-Home Colleagues

Three panels. Panel one, I walk with my laptop saying "Time to get some work done!" Panel two, I find the cat sitting on my desk chair. Panel three, I work on the couch.

Four panels. Panel one, the cat sits on the couch arm watching me type. Panel two, the cat climbs onto my lap, forcing me to move my laptop. Panel three, I hold my laptop in the air, the cat is curled sleeping in my lap. Panel four, I lean awkwardly to type with my laptop on the couch arm while the cat purs happily in my lap.

*********************************

The untold problems involved in working from home.

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+ and Pinterest.

Halloween Helper

A mummy tries to help someone with lots of shopping bags, but they scream. The mummy picks up something someone dropped, but they scream. Kids scream and run away from the mummy. The mummy is sad. Someone calls out from the bathrooms "Help! There's no toilet paper!" and the mummy looks pleased because he can help now.

*********************************

Here’s the thing. The mummy could be about to say, “No worries! Hang tight while I’ll pop to the store for you!”

He isn’t. That isn’t how this is going to play out at all.  Maybe if someone else made this comic, that’s how it would go. But they didn’t, I did. 

So here we are.

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+ and Pinterest.