• Sweet Potato: Giving Birth After Multiple Miscarriages

    Imagine a bath so big that I, a grown adult of average size, could float away. It was my partner’s job to hold on to my leg and keep me anchored as I dealt with the contractions through a mix of relaxing in hot water, watching Jurassic Park on my laptop (placed out of splash-range), snacking on raspberry liquorice bullets, getting a bit high on gas and air, and telling Laura Dern not to celebrate because…

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    Sweet Potato: Giving Birth After Multiple Miscarriages

  • What Happens Next

    I never used to be someone who cries a lot, but then I had four miscarriages. Now, I am someone who sneaks away from social events for a quick, private weep. I am someone who burst into tears in waiting rooms when I am told the blood tests I need will be slightly complicated. I am someone who has sobbed all over anaesthetists prepping me for surgery, broken down suddenly and unexpectedly in the middle of sex …

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    What Happens Next

  • Number 4

    I’ve had a fourth miscarriage. I drew journal comics to process the experience. I’ve decided I will post them here. I have written about miscarriage before, (first two here, comics drawn after the third one here and here) and I don’t think I can do it again. Not like that. To do that, you have […]

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    Number 4

  • Am I An Adult?

    One year when I was still in highschool I asked for a green ipod for my birthday. The green was important. It was an unwell pistachio colour, sort of warm and cool at the same time. But teenagers aren’t renowned for their emotional restraint and despite the vomit-untertone I couldn’t have fallen more head-over-heads in love with this colour if it fronted a boyband. I stared at it in advertisements and in shop windows. I dreamed of it. I repeatedly prompted my mum to make sure she absolutely knew the green one was mine, the one I was meant to have. On my birthday, there was a heart-flutteringly ipod-shaped present for me…

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    Am I An Adult?

  • Something Insignificant

    I have thought about writing a follow-up to ‘Expecting’ dealing with the aftermath of my third miscarriage, but I haven’t. I’ve tried several times. But it’s proved too emotional, and then I realised…

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    Something Insignificant

  • Space

    I think this is for all the people in my life who have understood that things are Not Okay right now. These people have rolled with it when I’ve cancelled plans at the last minute…

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    Space