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Danger Boob. Breastfeeding Part 2
I did not think I was the sort of person to give their boobs nicknames until I breastfed, but then each of them developed its own personality quirks and method of trying to kill me or my baby.
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Toilet Adventures
This is, I regret to inform you, based on not just one true story but many.
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Got Milk? Breastfeeding Part 1
Nothing can prepare you for waking up in the soft, glowy morning after having your first child—that one in the little plastic-walled bassinet next to your bed, wrapped up like an angelic bug in a hospital baby blanket—to the brick-wall reality that you are definitely already doing everything wrong…
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The Bird
Betrayed by my own blood.
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Unexpected Things Babies Like
I completely expected for them to like power points, grabbing the cat’s tail and throwing themselves from heights. I knew about those things. Following a crawling baby around stopping her from repeatedly headbutting every solid object she came across was not something I expected to be doing at all, let alone often.
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Dribble
Never a dull moment.
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Baby Practice
I mean, not right away, but when the crawling starts.
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Parenting Tips No One Tells You (except me, of course) #1
t took me an embarrassingly long time to work this out. I spent months in a ditch at the side of the park paths in over-sized coffee-stained jumpers staring enviously at all the put-together parents cruising around in sleek active-wear and looking like they’d actually showered and remembered about brushing their hair that morning .…
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Loud Noises
Yes, that is an accurate depiction of the hair she was born with. And fart volume she can achieve. I will have to get used to being outdone.
Silence Killed The Dinosaurs 