In Defence of Mini Marshmallows

This being the internet, I recently got into an argument with a blogger about the best marshmallows to put in hot chocolate. In her corner, giant marshmallows; in mine, mini.

It started in the comment section, as arguments to, but didn’t stay there. She published a recipe-slash-attack over on Actual Conversations With My Husband (go read it and her other stuff because she’s pretty funny when she’s not spouting hot chocolate heresy).

You see where this is going.

I am duty bound to insist that I’m right, super right, I could never be wrong, giant marshmallows are a pitiful specimen of marshmallow, Time Magazine totally called me about being Man (Person) of the Year but I turned them down when I learned about the write up and photoshoot anyway my button’s bigger and NO YOUR FACE IS A MINI MARSHMALLOW.

I won’t.

Giant marshmallows are fine. Giant marshmallows in hot chocolate are fine. (I mean, they take too long to melt nicely and due to the physics of buoyancy have an irritating habit of bobbing away from your spoon, but I guess some people like that). Toasted Giant marshmallows are extra fine. In fact, I am happy to concede them as the ideal toasting marshmallow. Furthermore, toasted giant marshmallows in hot chocolate brings pleasure on par with witnessing an enemy step in dog poo, slide ten metres, fall face first into a fountain while being filmed so that they end up online as a humorous gif. (Although over-toasting will lead to excessive floating ashes, and I do not recommend excessive floating ashes).

Mini marshmallow hot chocolate is not better than giant marshmallows in hot chocolate. I’m fine with saying that.

Because they cannot be compared. They don’t serve the same purpose. They aren’t the same thing.

You see, giant marshmallows in hot chocolate is a recipe, but mini marshmallow hot chocolate is a spell. Done right, it will grant you warmth, healing, sweetness, and probably type 2 diabetes. (But hey, everything that works has side effects.)

I will teach you how to cast it.

Make hot chocolate.

It doesn’t matter how. I don’t think there is an incorrect method of making hot chocolate. I don’t limit myself to one way of making it. Bought powder, cocoa and sugar, all milk no hot water, hot water plus milk, added chilli, added cinnamon—it’s all good. When I’m feeling fancy, I take the time to melt chocolate into milk on the stovetop.

You do you. All are equal.

Except anything with powdered milk in it. Ew.

Add mini marshmallows.

But don’t just add mini marshmallows. That’s how you do a recipe. Plop ‘em in, done. Boring. This is not a recipe.

Want to know the trick?

Lean in, I’ll whisper.


Your goal is to get as many mini marshmallows in there as possible. Plug that mug. If you can still see hot chocolate, you’re not trying hard enough.

And, most importantly, enjoy it.

Mini marshmallows are to giant marshmallows what a kiddie pool of small denomination bills are to a couple of hundred-dollar notes sitting all dull and boring in your hand. Fundamentally equal, but you can frolic in one of them.

So, frolic.


This step is vitally important, and you might not get it just right on the first go. You want your marshmallows to get a bit melty. How melty is up to you, but I recommend making sure there are some unmelted bits. An excellent way to achieve a good melted to non-melted ratio is to pile up the marshmallows so high that the bottom layer can melt entirely, while the top layer is safe above the hot chocolate line.

This is the game changing step. This is where we leave the safe harbour of standard hot chocolate and push out into the international waters of lawless adventure. This is hot chocolate with a peg leg and a parrot on its shoulder.


Eat the marshmallows out of the hot chocolate with a spoon.

If you’ve done everything right, it should taste like a lighting a candle in a world engulfed by darkness. You should feel it darning the holes life has worn into your soul.

A common mistake here is to drink the hot chocolate. I can see why a person might think it’s a good idea—that is traditionally what one does with hot chocolate, after all—but there are simply too many marshmallows. The top layer of hot chocolate probably doesn’t classify as a liquid any more. Drinking it is a choking hazard.

But don’t worry, the time will come.

Repeat Steps 2 to 4 until either

a) You run out of mini marshmallows, or,

b) You feel like you’re done with the marshmallow phase of your hot chocolate experience.

Just quietly, option b is for the weak.

Drink the hot chocolate.

It’s not just a chaser for the marshmallows. By this stage it should be so gloriously sugary from all the melted marshmallows that it will taste like a hug from a rainbow.

And there you have it.

Mini marshmallow hot chocolate is not classy. It is not pretty. It scores 0 for plating every time. It does not belong on a foodie blog. It draws the wrath of food snobs (and feel free you use it as a means of identifying them among your acquaintances so you can avoid inviting them to your dinner parties).

Mini marshmallow hot chocolate is for coping. Mini marshmallow hot chocolate is for the times when your heart bleeds and your soul has been ripped open and you’re not sure if you can handle the next five minutes, let alone tomorrow. It is for dementor attacks and resisting the one ring. I make it when things are so, desperately, impossibly bad that if someone offered me a cup of tea, I would ask for it with a teaspoon of sugar.

Mini marshmallow hot chocolate got me through 2017.

And now you can make it too.

Your welcome, world.


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24 thoughts on “In Defence of Mini Marshmallows

  1. We could do with this solid and logical persuasiveness in the great Cream Tea debate between Devon and Cornwall. ‘Which way round on your scone, jam first or cream first?’.
    I feel I should sign you up for the correct Cornwall side before Devon discovers you.

    Point of fact, in ‘Cream Tea’ JAM DOESN’T EVEN GET A MENTION.

    Sorry, lapsed into passionate argument mode.

      1. Such a simple seeming question to ask, possibly it deserves a full blog post answer rather than a comment.
        For now I’ll say that Devon and Cornwall have fought bloody wars over the pronunciation of ‘scone’, let alone what the order of the stack of component parts in the tea should be.

      1. I am currently working on a post. It has already grown into a monster beyond control as I try to explain everything. It may never be finished, not unlike the debate.

  2. U no wot they say? sumthing iz rong w/you. so betunada, being an inhabitant of the retro/uber/inverse Yooniverse sez: sumtang zzz rong w/tew? PHANTASSTICAL. sumteeng must be really rilly rite !

  3. I maintain that if you’re eating the marshmallows with a spoon, what you’ve got there is breakfast cereal. The fact that your country hasn’t got the technology to do marshmallows in cereal—which I fully understand, as you’re busy fighting off spiders the size of mini coopers—while we’ve already had a limited promotional run of Lucky Charms that was all marshmallows… well, it’s just one more reason you should pack up the cat and the tablet and come live with me.

    I’ll even let you put mini marshmallows in your cocoa while you adapt.

    Did you see the massive bowl-type mug I got for Christmas? I might have to try it your way, since it would take five or six giant ‘shmallows to properly adorn the top of that thing. Of course, by that point I’d definitely need a new liver.

    Regardless, I need the fighting mugs print in my life. You have shown me a thing that proves my life is currently incomplete, and I love you for it.

    1. I think it can’t be a cereal if it is not predominately made of a cereal, i.e., a grain. Also, cereal should be served cold.

      Anyway, I tried to eat my giant marshmallow test hot chocolate with a spoon (spoons do not suit giant marshmallows at all). Still automatically cereal?

      But you might be right about the spiders stunting our progress as a society.

  4. LOL! I think the great marshmallow war between you and ACWMH will rage on for years. I’ll just sit back with my hot chocolate and enjoy the show. I won’t tell you what size marshmallows I’ll use but you can be assured there will be Baileys in it.

  5. Amen sister! Hot Chocolate is just an excuse to eat melted marshmallows. And in a world where Cadbury’s hot chocolate exists you can get a perfect hot chocolate everytime and get to the marshmallows faster :D No faffing with cocoa required

  6. While I adore both you and actualconversationswithmyhusband, I must say I side more with you… but only because you hit on the “melty” bit being the important bit. And for that you need Marshmallow Fluff, not solid marshmallows at all. A great big spoonful of melty, gooey, sugary Fluff, which also completely covers the hot chocolate, necessitating eating it with a spoon.

  7. I love me some mini marshmallows. They’re perfect in hot cocoa. Or for stuffing straight into my mouth. Mmm.

    Giant marshmallows are great, too. But only when it comes to cramming a mouthful of that sugary goodness. Not atop a nice mug of hot cocoa. 😅

  8. I’m pretty sure I’m the kid who wouldn’t be invited to any parties because erm, I don’t like ANY marshmallows in hot chocolate, no matter the size. To me it’s all about the chocolate and the marshmallows are just an unnecessary distraction. Sorry not sorry?

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