Functional Adulthood

Some days are good days. I leap out of bed and I do all the tasks I am supposed to do. I am excited about budgeting, space-saving storage solutions and petrol discounts. I can feel the progress I make towards my sensible, well-thought-out life goals.graph showing functional adultIt’s the closest I get to being one of those go-getters who start the day by running a marathon and knocking back a disturbing green smoothie before going to work and earning a million dollars an hour by saying synergy and looking dynamic in front of graphs.

(But my graphs are better.)

The next day I wake up with the same tasks and the same goals, but it is not the same.

On this day I do not feel equal to my goals. They are too hard, too high, and I am too weak and too low. The small tasks I am supposed to get done are too much pressure. I cannot even bear the weight of basic human functions.atlas I think most people get this sometimes. Probably even the marathon-smoothie-synergy-people get a bit down that their graphs aren’t as awesome as mine.

Over the years I have tested different methods for dealing with this situation. My methods have had varying levels of success. Sometimes I try to do the things anyway.panicked doing everythingSometimes I give up.not getting out of bedOne time I read twelve books in a week so I wouldn’t have to think about all the things I wasn’t doing.reading all the booksSome of my solutions have been a bit extreme.playing deadNone of these help.

But there is something that does.build blanket fortsBuilding blanket forts makes me feel more in control. It reminds me things can be fun. When cuddled up in a blanket fort, I feel safe. I can even do some of the scary things without melting into a jellied heap of nerves.being productive in a blanket fortI wrote some of this in a blanket fort.

And yes, there’s probably a bit of latent agoraphobia at work there, but blanket forts make it work for rather than against me.

(By the way, that right there is the line between maladaptive behaviour and behaviour that’s a bit different but okay I guess. If it constricts your life, it might be a problem. If it doesn’t, boogie on.)

What a magical and wonderful solution to all problems! Rainbows and kittens etcetera.

… Did I at least have you until the etcetera?

It’s not a silver bullet. I don’t think there is one. Even actual silver bullets only work on werewolves; for vampires and zombies and regular people they’re just the same as normal bullets. Although I guess normal bullets are pretty effective against regular people, so silver bullets probably would be too. But using silver bullets on regular people seems like an unnecessarily expensive habit.

Also just generally an unnecessary habit.

Also a very, very bad thing to do.

(Please don’t shoot people.)

But blanket forts (we’re back on blanket forts) are better than the other things I’ve tried, even though sometimes I backslide to terrible coping methods anyway.

don't judge meBut at least I built a blanket fort first. That counts as productive.

22 thoughts on “Functional Adulthood

  1. You do what you need to do sometimes… I find myself these days in a perpetual game of kick the can, where I’m only able to kick the can just far enough to need to go after it, knowing all I can do when I get there is kick it a little farther again. This is more of a downer post than I intended it to be!

  2. I love this! I read every detail on the boulder of heaviosity,absorbed every expression on the judgemental non-existent cat. The best bit: the graph. Of course.

  3. We all have similar days and secret solutions (I’m not revealing mine…). Seeing humor in our humanity is probably the best defense…good job on that! (K)

  4. Your research methodology and findings are flawless. Thank you also for the indepth design you’ve shared. I just knew my ironing board was destined for better things.

  5. When my family first moved to Canada one of the first things we got was an Ironing board( we just do not argue with my mom) . All the furniture we had was the beds and the board. A friend of mine from school had moved here 6 months before me so we met up, went to a Tim Hortons for coffee and sandwiches, came back home and had lunch on the ironing board. Still not questioning mom’s decisions.

  6. You have lots of great ideas here! I used to have a lot of problems, but over time, with a lot of work, I managed to get rid of most of them. If I have too much to do nowadays, I say to myself (sometimes out loud!) “it’s ok, Jen, look, just do X. It’ll be fine!” Like as if I was a mom talking to a little kid! 😄 that seems to help!

    1. I do the ‘it’s okay, it’s okay, you just do this little thing, this bit first, it’s not so bad, come on, you can do it’ self-talk too.

      Sometimes aloud and in public without thinking. (Pro tip: this will get you funny looks).

  7. i thought I commented, earlier. and that the comment was, as usual, really clever and topical and pertinent and added “value” to whatever we are all talking about. apparently I was wrong — no previous comment. sorry. it’s like a radio show I heard a couple days ago where the moderator/main guy promised that after an hour of listening to his show, we’d all be a little (in some cases “a lot”) dumber than we were before.

    (next time I might try to actually DO that clever, etc. response, but apparently, not this time)

  8. I have only just snapped out of the lazy phase myself and made that as my bounce back post a few days ago … So could completely relate to this post! Am really enjoying going through your posts though … always make me laugh! :)

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