Space

I am in space. I never thought I would go out this far. And I haven't found what I came for yet. I can't go back.And even if I did, it wouldn't be my earth anymore. It kept turning with me and I kept turning without it. [images zooming into earth] I'm not in space. I had three miscarriages.[speech bubble, I say: I don't know how to deal with that. I'm not even sure I believe it. I want to be okay, but I'm not. None of my friends or family have had so many and not had a live birth. I don't know what is going to happen next.] And you say, [speech bubble: I'm right here]. But you're not. It's not your fault.I am in space[tentacled space whales show up] And my problems are space problems. [space whales shake my space ship, breaking it, then leave]. I can't do earth things.But you know that. So when you say, [email on spaceship computer: I'm right here]. You are.

*********************************

I think this is for all the people in my life who have understood that things are Not Okay right now. These people have rolled with it when I’ve cancelled plans at the last minute, when I’ve refused to be places where I have to do smiling small talk, or even when I’ve straight-up broken down and cried in public for no immediate reason. They have given me space when I’ve felt crushed and company when I’ve felt exposed. They said “Hell yes, draw tentacled space whales!” and assured me there didn’t have to be a joke.

So, people who seem to get I’m far away right now, thank you. I’ll be back one day. Changed, but back.

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22 thoughts on “Space

  1. I think you friends are right, there doesn’t have to be a joke. Your talent is to express yourself through your drawing skills and you are doing that. It is certainly showing me, not having had anything like your experience, how it’s feeling for you and I hope it is helping you too.

    1. Thank you <3 I like to find the humour in things, but sometimes I hide behind it. Sometimes I use it as an excuse not to try and express other emotions. Other times it feels like I shouldn't (can't) do anything else. So I'm glad I did this anyway.

  2. grief is such a private public thing and they’re no “how to books” or real operation manuals to tell us what to do, how to do, or when will we get better; just know that even old, stranger, distant grandpa’s care and desire comfort and peace to be yours.

  3. Oh Lucy, personal heartache feel so exposed and solitary simultaneously. You make me laugh and cry at the same time. I love your space creatures!
    I hope you find a transporter back to earth when you are ready and in the meantime am sending loads of hugs.

  4. Yes, there definitely doesn’t need to be a humorous punchline – this has everything that I want to read, see, think about and experience, even if only from earth. Sending warm wishes and much appreciation for your profound and lovely work.

  5. Wow, what a beautiful piece Lucy. I haven’t been around in a while due to moving countries and whatnot so didn’t realise where this piece was going until it got there and it was both beautiful and heart-breaking. I honestly can only hope someday that my work develops into something as meaningful, expressive and full of emotion as yours.

    You’re an inspiration. Not only in the work you create but in the fact that you’re willing to share these parts of yourself with your community even when they’re incredibly hard. Sending you all my love. <3

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