Tag: monsters

  • More The Thing

    More The Thing

    One time after hardly sleeping for many, many days and nights (ah, the heady days of chronic insomnia plus university assignments and poor time management), I decided on a whim that The Thing (the 80s one) was absolutely, unbeatably amazing…

  • Halloween Helper

    Halloween Helper

    Here’s the thing. The mummy could be about to say, “No worries! Hang tight while I’ll pop to the store for you!”

  • White Goose’s Reign of Terror

    White Goose’s Reign of Terror

    One day when I was little my parents decided to ruin everything. This was not unusual. Parents of small children must keep to a strict schedule of Ruining Everything to prepare their brood for the challenges of life. It is important to get all your tantrumming out of the way as a child when you get the wrong colour cup, so that as an adult you can cope when your favourite movie is remade, or people like a new fad that you don’t like. Up until this point, my parents’ preferred method of Ruining Everything was letting my sister sit in my chair and stopping us from watching Jurassic Park on endless repeat. The goose came as a surprise…

  • Real Life Horror Story

    Real Life Horror Story

    There was a storm. We took cover as it tore through the world…

  • About the Fish

    About the Fish

    You might be wondering about the fish. It’s not what it looks like. Or maybe it is—I don’t know what it looks like out of context. Either way, I can explain. A couple of months ago, I got a bit angsty-artist and decided I needed to do something productive and sensible to make my job feel more valid to myself. So I set out to create business cards. I sifted through my website for striking images I could base my designs around. I scrolled and scrolled…

  • Things I Learned At School

    Things I Learned At School

    When I was a child I was bullied. Brace yourselves. I am about to do that irritating thing where I tell you a story from my life that you probably aren’t interested in, and then apply it on a wide scale, even though it’s kind of like comparing apples with orange monsters that want to maul your face off…

  • Migraine

    Migraine
  • How to fold fitted sheets (the joke instructions)

    How to fold fitted sheets (the joke instructions)
  • BIG NEWS

    BIG NEWS

    Probably, anyway, because I made this in advance and scheduled it to appear at just the right time. But I’m sure I would have had a free minute with an internet connection to delete it if anything untoward occurred and messed everything up, so if you can see this, it’s safe to assume that I […]

  • Foibles (little crazy things)

    Foibles (little crazy things)

    I parenthetically (in brackets) translate words in my head. Not all words. In fact, not even most words. Most words slip through my mind without leaving a ripple. This lulls me into the false sense of security that I know them well. In reality if I was put on the spot to concisely define a word like, say, ‘define’, I would have to make up a plausible distraction to escape the conversation (“did you know that the reason they can’t find the Lock Ness Monster is that it actually lives in my bath tub?”). So the words I know well my brain can’t easily explain, but the ones that feel unfamiliar and clunky are succinctly (briefly but aptly) described…