Tag Archives: puns

Murder

Three panels. First panel, three crows are sitting on a couch eating pizza. Second panel, the police burst open the door saying "You're all under arrest for murder!" and a crow says "This is police harassment!" Third panel, they are in court. A lawyer says "As the CCTV footage clearly shows..." and a screen shows the crows shooting someone. One crow says, "Oh, *that* murder!" another says "Yeah, fair cop."

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Sometimes when I have a comic idea, it arrives with multiple variations. Sometimes I want to draw more than one of them. This was one of those times. (The other one is here).

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For Crimes Against the English Language

Three panels. First panel: several crows are having a raging house party. Second panel: The police arrive, saying "Police! You're all under arrest for murder!" Third panel: A crow says "You can't arrest people based on word play!" to a cop, who is approached by another copy holding a note saying "Sir! You need to see this!" ... comic continues in next image.Three panels. First panel. The note is held up, it says "Hey neighbours! We'll be throwing a party tomorrow night. There will be music, so why not join us instead of sitting at home listening!" and the cop exclaims "My God! It was premeditated!" Second panel: crow is being handcuffed, says, "This isn't legal." and the cop says "Tell it to the judge." Third panel. The judge is a kangaroo, saying "Super, super guilty!" and banging a gavel. The crows goes ugh.

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If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

His Comic

3 panels. First panel, I am working at my desk and my partner comes in and says "Would you like a cool drink?" I say "Sure. Why not?" Second panel: I am working at my desk. Third panel: Partner returns holding sunglasses in front of a glass. I do not react.

3 panels. First panel: My partner says "eh? eh? eg?" I still do not react. Second panel: Partner continues to wait for reaction. Third panel: Partner says, "you should make this into a comic"

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He was very determined, so I gave it to him.

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store and my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram

Bear with me

Grammar tips from a Proper Writer. When trying to remember if it's 'bare with me' or 'bear with me', it helps to think literally. Obviously, this isn't something you want [me, naked, and someone else undressing]. Unlike this, which is much-- [a bear sits next to me. It looks hungry. It's bloodstained t-shirt says: 'I'm with stupid'] ... wait.

 

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Disclaimer: a Proper Writer is just someone who writes stuff. You don’t have to pass a comma test to get a license or anything.

If you love my stories and comics, check out my store or my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+ and Pinterest.

Bath

 

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If you love my stories and comics, check out my Patreon page. You can support my work and get unique rewards!

And don’t forget you can follow me for updates on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+ and Pinterest.

The Petuitary Gland

It started with the cat in the blanket-fort story. I just slotted cats in the pro column of not-getting-out-of-bed on a whim. And then, somehow, it was in other illustrations in that story.

cats

And then I was thinking about cats and had more ideas about cats.

more-cats

And then all my ideas were about cats.

all-the-cats

I don’t have a cat.

I don’t have any pets right now.

What I do have is a petuitary gland.

The petuitary gland is an organ located below the better-known dessert stomach.

petuitary-gland

Its job is to release hormones when a person sees cute domesticated (or not domesticated—otters, AMIRIGHT?) animals and to manipulate them into a frenzy of pet-neediness. The petuitary gland overwhelms our common sense and makes us forget the cost of vet bills and the hassle of training a creature of another species to please not poo everywhere.

poop-everywhere

The petuitary gland is an evolutionary feature that ensures the continuing relationship between humans and domesticated animals, a relationship which is in everyone’s best interest.

Except, you know, all the small, vulnerable native creatures in your area that taste better than the fanciest tin of Fancy Feast.

manipulation

But who cares about small, vulnerable native creatures?

It’s not like they, say, ride robot vacuums for our entertainment. There aren’t any adorable Halloween costumes for blue-tongue lizards. I’ve never seen a bandicoot humorously stuck in venetian blinds.

My petuitary gland is running rampant.

I’ve always liked animals. My family had a neurotic Jack Russell and an incontinent demon-cat when I was little, and I loved them both. I always thought I would have pets of my own, one day. Maybe in five or ten years, I told myself. Once I’d done some travelling and practiced keeping things alive on cactuses.

But my petuitary gland’s powers are growing. It has not spent my pet-free years idle. It has been laying plans and building its strength. Now it will not be ignored.

Infecting my creative output with cats was only the beginning. The urge to obtain a pet is becoming overwhelming.

cat-prescription

It’s not even limited to reasonable pets. There is a dangerous sign that we drive past every time we visit my partner’s hometown. It works in unholy concert with our petuitary glands to lure us down the path of bad decisions.

its-a-sign

It’s very important that we don’t give in.

alpacas

We don’t have a rental contract that allows pets. We decided years ago that we would not get pets while renting because most places don’t allow pets and having them would make renting more difficult.

It was a sensible decision.

sensible

Very, very sensible.

sensible2

SENSIBLE.sensible3

So I’ll be moving soon.

Look forward to moving related comics and stories.

And probably a cat.

(Which will be an indoor cat and not allowed to eat small, vulnerable native creatures. Because responsible pet ownership.)